F-O-R-T-Y

So, this is 40?  Moving past 3D and into 4D!? ha-ha ok, that wasn’t great.  I’m mixed thoughts about milestones in general.  I certainly don’t like to do much on a year-to-year basis.  For example, Marzz and I have been together for 14 years this past December.  We celebrated with a very nice dinner at Bull and Bear restaurant at the Waldorf Astoria, and Marzz did purchase us a nice putting mat for practice.  However, I personally didn’t do too much, because for me, it wasn’t what I would call a milestone.  Now this year will not only mark our 15-year anniversary, but potentially the last or one of the last anniversaries we have as a non-married couple, so I do think that warrants a bit more.  Bringing this back to me, does turning 40 warrant something more? 

Normally yes.  But my mind is fixated on our upcoming plans, mainly our wedding, which we hope to be sometime next year in 2025.  We would like to pay off current credit card debts to make way for that upcoming debt.  This all plays a huge factor in to why I am choosing not to do much for my birthday.  Again, I don’t normally do much as it stands, but I would have normally tried to do something more for a milestone birthday, but saving money is more important to me right now. 

Some will argue that I only get to turn 40 once.  This is true, unless something tragic happens to Marzz and I am thrusted back into the dating world, I may very well lie and say I’m 39 again.  But God willing, that doesn’t happen.  But seriously, yes, I only turn forty once, but I also intend on only getting married once, so it’s the same difference to me, and for my piece of mind, knowing that we’ll be in a good financial position is more important long-term.

What are we doing to celebrate my fortieth birthday you might ask?  Dinner.  We are going out for dinner, ha-ha.  I have no idea where we’re going, but we are going.  That’s about it.  I know, probably anti-climatic even for a non-milestone birthday.  But don’t get me wrong, I’m not upset by that, and I don’t think we need to do anything more than that, but I know folks reading this may have expected more. 

Really, it’s just another day.  No harm in applying extra significance to any day, but for me, for this year, and because of the things I mentioned, this is what we’re doing. 

I’m honestly more excited about the future than I am about this particular birthday.  As I sit here and type this, my best friend text me “happy birthday” and we’ve been texting back and forth a bit.  He shared that this one, meaning our 40th, scares him a little because it sounds old.  I agree.  It does sound old.  I now understand why there are “mid-life crisis’” or whatever you want to call them.  In my opinion, it is because I still feel fairly young.  I joke about being old all the time.  But really, mentally, I feel good, and I feel youthful.  But the number tells a different story.  Also, physically it is a different story.  Can I still do the same things I did when I was 20?  Or 30?  No, probably not, or at least not as well as I did at that time.  Do I even want to do the same things that I did at those ages?  I’m not sure.  Sometimes I do, like partying, or some physical like backpacking or a sport, which if done now, I am sore for days on end.  But overall, I guess I have changed.  Hopefully for the better?  I certainly don’t want to do all of the same things I did when I was 20, and those few things that I do with I could still do, I probably can, but it may not be appropriate or worth it. 

One thing I can say as I turn 40 years of age is that I have had a pretty good life.  As an overall statement, I think I’ve done well.  Sure, I can pick at certain things, and wish I did some thing sooner, or differently, but overall, things are good; and I can’t complain about that.  I know that I have it better than some others, and some of that is luck, some of that is upbringing, choices made by me, or even for me.  I know that there is more great stuff to come.  I know that the next few years, because of plans that are in the works, will be exciting.  There will be much to do, much to plan, experience, fret over, and enjoy. 

I love living in Florida.  That has been one of the best decisions that Marzz and I have made as a couple.  I love Marzz.  That has been one of the best decisions I have made for myself and us.  I don’t love my job, but I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, and it is complex.  It is not the job in and of itself, it’s very specific elements of it, and people.  Can I learn to like this job, yes.  Will I?  I don’t know but I would like to be optimistic. 

What lies ahead for me is unknown, but I will do everything I can to make it a good one.  I encourage everyone else to do the same.  The world certainly seems chaotic right now, and I think part of that is true, and part of that is just media and people, amplifying things.  I will continue to control the things I can control and try to navigate those things of which are out of my control. 

Will I get to live another 40 years on this planet?  Not sure.  Do I want to?  Not sure, but I think so.  I definitely still have more living to do, and my goal is to keep doing just that.  Time is a funny thing.  These forty years have gone by so fast, and yet, day-to-day, have taken so long.  Sometimes it is difficult to appreciate life, people, and events.  So many distractions in modern day life.  So much that doesn’t matter, but we waste energy and effort on it anyways.  If I do anything in the next forty years, I want to enjoy life more.  Nothing worse than living a life that isn’t fulfilling.  The creation of life is precious, we should all strive to live to our full extent.  Be the best us, we can be. 

Yes, this got a little sappy, but really, how many of us truly try and be our best selves daily?  Don’t you think it would be great if we did?

Here’s to another forty years, and many more for humanity. 

A few random photos of me from approximately the past 10-12 years.